Courage

2009-10-09T18:53:00.000-07:00

After watching the movie Gandhi, I finally found the courage to write the first entry to my blog. Since I started it, I made several attempts to make entries; each one only getting to the third sentence. After those three sentences, I decided that they weren't good enough and deleted them. I spoke to my friend about the trouble that I was having starting my blog, and realized that I was letting fear overtake me. I was afraid of what people would think of how I put my sentences together. I was afraid of what people would think of what I wrote about. Whether they would agree or disagree. Whether they would think what I wanted to talk about was important and worthy of a blog. I let all those fears overtake me and silence my voice, which I always thought was strong.

Since graduating from Oberlin College, I have been searching for a path. Sparing the details, I'll just say that for 10 months, I stumbles along the wrong one. What I thought would be somewhat of a journey to enlightenment only brought me sadness and pain that the work I was doing wasn't having the impact that I wanted it to have. I'd lost my way-spritually, mentally, and emotinally. I realized there was no way out but to leave. Which often as leaving does, left me with what I thought was nothing. I had not job, my money was depleted, and Sallie Mae would soon be knocking at my door asking me to "Pay What I Owe."

For a time, I was optimistic. I thought, I will find something soon. Now that I have left that dark place behind, I can start my TRUE journey. What I am meant to do and who I am meant to be. Then a month went by. Then two. Sure, there were hopeful moments, and I thank God for my friends and family who supported me in everyway possible. More than they needed to. But inside I was dying. The summer gave me so much to remember and to hold onto. I found solace in a place that I had not expected to and friends I did not expect to have. Old friends came back. I began to learn that just because you want something doesn't mean you can, or should, have it. I have learned so many lessons, and have yet to understand or appreciate them as much as I should. But that is another reason that I decided to write this blog. To remind myself of what I have learned and to keep track of everything I have promised myself I would be.

After watching both Rang De Basanti and Gandhi (I have been inexplicably drawn to India...), I realized the courage and perseverance it takes to make change. Not only in the world, but in our worst enemy. Ourselves. Even writing it, it sounds cliche. But nothing could be more true. I let my own fear almost stop me from even writing this blog. I don't know how I could have spoken up to all of the injustices that I see in the world and that I want to have a hand in stopping if I am afraid of my own words. All that it means is that I need to practice. There is nothing in the world that you can't do when YOU decide that you want to do it.

I want to keep this short, as hopefully it won't be my last blog entry. The take away message for me from both of these movies is that no one starts out a revolutionary. Sure they may have gifts and talents, but what good are they if you don't use them to change the world you live in. No, we dont have to go on hunger strikes like Gandhi, or go to the extent that the students did in Rang De Basanti (I can't stand spoilers...If you want to know what they did you have to watch it :P ), but if you have a talent use it to inspire others. I am continually inspired by people that I see EVERYDAY. Yes, they have their flaws, just like everyone else. But they also have more BEAUTY than I think even they realize.

Everyday. I am going to try and learn something new about myself and how I can make myself a better person. I called this blog "A Revolutionary Journey" because it is, indeed, a record of a journey. The first step in my journey was creating it. The second step is to write and to write honestly. I apologize to anyone who stumbles upon my blog expecting the writings of someone like Gandhi, or MLK, a Florence Nightingale, a Bell Hooks, a Malcolm X or a Nelson Mandela--all people who inspire me. What you will find are the writings of a 23 year old African American Female, in the process of re-educating herself for the betterment of herself and the world.

A Revolutionary's Journey

Courage